Loneliness Pt.1

Post today is called Loneliness. Its the definitive word to explain my life right now. I feel like, I am so socially disconnected that its painful. You know, theres a verse in the bible that says, "if you want friends, you have to be friendly", and I believe it. But what do you do, when you see that you are an individual who is so personable, but has no one to talk to? I mean yeah, I have my circle of 3. My girl from grade 9/10 (bff/ homegirl to death) my girl from church (bfffffl) and J. Those are the only ones that I can claim as my circle. The only ones that I habitually talk to. So, my post here today, is not a rant about why I don't have that much friends. I have a question and a thought to ponder. My question : what is it that causes me to have no one else? I mean, its not like im rude, go out of my way to disconnect myself from the world, or try to be an unpersonable person. I mean, what is it that I have to do? I go to school, and read blogs about other people that go to school, and see the excitement of the social life that these people have. And I wonder why is that I don't have that? Is it the kind of environment that is my school? I go to school, stay by myself, and then go home. I'm telling you, my life feels boring and miserable as HELL. I would like to ask someone who goes to college, without coming off as arrogant, why its so much easier to meet and befriend people in college than it seems to be in university. I mean, J started school in September, and is FOREVER at rez with his new friends. I mean sleeping there, eating there, chilling there. All the time. Its depression that adds to deep current depression. I mean, in elementary school, we would laugh at people who didn't have any friends. Call them loner's and whatever. Now that I'm living this here life, this loneliness is such a painful burden. And I call it a burden, because its not a weight that I carry intentionally. Really, and truly I hate it. And I always think of ways that I can meet people, but always come up short, left with no possibilities. It's been a cold and lonely winter. And I really want to meet people. So bad. Not only because of my loneliness, but because I love meeting people! Engaging in new conversations, new laughs, new memories, its all fun to me. Brave of me to admit something like this publicly, but I know that with emotions and humans, they aren't usually isolated to one person. So I know for a fact that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I mean, it becomes so depressing that I have NO desire to do anything! I mean, I'm socially alienated by way of default to a point that it pushes me to be more socially alienated... Its got to stop. I feel like I'm being tortured, and I'm dieing slowly.