It's been a month since I last posted, and I saw J today. I have two midterms tomorrow. Its 1:37 and my energy drink did not serve its purpose. My meeting with *him was...something. For different reasons that really have nothing to do with him. Its not like I did not enjoy his company. But, I just really wanted to get it out there and say how much I miss his lips. He kisses me softly and gently with his succulent, round, full lips, on my forehead, my back, my stomach, my neck, my chest, my lips. My body. We have our problems, we've had our problems but I realized today on the long trek back to my city, that the guy must really care about me. To travel the distance he does without complaining and to do it willingly, just to spend time with me.To hold me, to kiss me. Sometimes all he does is stare at me. It really put some of our issues into perspective. Next time I want to bark at him for not doing something right, I need to remember how I was feeling throughout that 2.5 hr mission back home. And hes done that early in the morning, to come to me, and late at night to go back home. Just to be with me.. It touches me deep in my heart. I'm compelled to apologize for half of the arguments we've had and all of the bullshit that I've brought to him, and subsequently put him through. He's a beautiful, attractive dark skinned man. So handsome. With a beautiful body, and intelligent mind. I really need to deal with myself. I've been pretty selfish.