Today Was A Good Day.

So, I'm feeling pretty good. Pretty good and pretty different. I don't know if that has to do with the fact that I realized that God has to be in my life or if my eyes were opened by humility, but either way my overall attitude is just different. The way I feel inside, is just...different. I really want to be on that road of change until I reach the destination of success. Im just doing things in various different ways, major and minor. Just jingling up the way I do things. Starting to live. Positively. Today is my girls birthday, she turned 19. She's a good friend. Lol we have so many laughs. Have been throughhh some issshhhh and always sit down together and look at the way life has shown itself to be. I love her! And her style is soooooo crazy. I envy her behind doors, because flashy, classic, cooool style is just natural to her. Cool GIRL!

But, I'm not sure if I'll be staying for long, theres some planning that I want to do.. relative to what my last post was about. But I'm starting to get to the point where I'm cool with being with only me. I say that to mean that I don't need to make sure that me and someone are on good terms in order for me to do things, even as simple as enjoying my day. It's weird to feel this way, and even more so to notice it, because being on good terms with someone was ALWAYS a priority. If me and J were having an issue, say I felt like he didn't want to talk to me, or was just acting in a manner that annoyed me, there is no way that I could brush it off. It HAD to be dealt with at that moment in time, often leading to a fight.

Now, I'm not sure if I care. I have somewhere to go, someone to be, and harboring any kind of negativity, despite the VARIOUS ways that it shows up, is not some thing that I need to do. I need to make sure that I know at allllll times what needs my focus and what does not. I can't wait around anymore for people to determine that I'm worthy enough to be in their life.
**EDIT: Wrong words used! Its not that I don't care when J and I have an issue. I lied. I do care, everytime. It's rather that I don't let it get to the point where I can't function and that I'm soo upset, or sad, or depressed that I can't do anything until the situation is solved. I went to tooo far off an extreme by saying that I don't care. It's not that I don't care, its just that I won't let it make me go insane. Literally. I could'nt mean it when I say that I love him, but yet not care at all, or as I had worded, not know if I care to try to work things out or deal with those issues just because I have a destiny to fulfill. Thats not reality. That they want to dedicate themselves as much as I have, or shown that I potentially can, towards them. Since I wrote the post a last month, about me finding my value and my worth once again, this intrinsic confidence has risen up within me, that basically, has led me to realize that I do deserve to have the best. I don't want, need or deserve mediocracy from people, so I really don't care to have it. I'm just going to go on doing and living ME. And looking back over the past few weeks, the past few months, the past few years, my GOODNESS! There have been SO many things, that I poured myself into. Like water in a rainstorm, poured. Things completely undeserving. Cost me some friends, who I let go in my immaturity. Man, I wish I could just apologize, wholeheartedly. I won't make those mistakes again.

Thinking about it, I do know why I feel so good. One Source that cannot go unrecognized or unacknowledged. The touch that God can give you, when you try to connect with him or even just reach out, should never be under-estimated. My relationship with Him is going to have to be something that I have an entry about next.


P.s. I REALLY love the colour purple. Not talking about the movie here, though. :)