I'm Selfish. Mom was right. I am selfish. I've been selfish to J. My parental restrictions, are as I said, ridiculous despite my pending grown-assness. They are trying as HARD as they can to ensure that I stay on the straightandnarrow. Now while, that is extremely understandable and commendable and makes me grateful, extremes should be avoided. As with double-standards. I shouldn't have to feel friggin' trapped in my own damn house. Because my parents don't want me to end up pregnant or w/e. Instilling common sense, is like that proverb that says" give a man a fish he eats for a day. teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime". Instill the common sense, and I'll know how to live. But trying to shelter me, especially at my damn age? Reprehensible. And because of these restrictions, it places a strain on my union with him. If he wants to see me, I have to think of how I can get out of the house (Isn't that a trip?), or have to meet at in a well thought-out place to avoid confrontations, conflicts or issues with my parents. So my imprisonment stretches out and grasps him, because he can't be free with me the way we should be. No matter how much I feel as if I'm not important to him as I once was, or how much I love and want to love him, I cannot ignore the fact, that me holding on to him, and dragging him into my prison cell is not fair. I realized that if I truly want him to be happy and free, that this happiness and freedom might just not be experienced with me. I can't give him all that he wants and needs. Heartbreaking. The roll of the thunder that just sounded outside rolls in synch with hum drum, shallow saddened rhythm of my heart. I loveeeeee himmmmm.