"I think that one of the worst feelings, is to feel unimportant to someone who means a lot to you. Despite if they show it in their actions or their words, the pain is just as bad. Especially, if disconnecting yourself is not necessarily the easiest thing to do. I HATE the feeling of me being played. It doesn't even evoke any kind of emotion of sadness, just pure hatred. To play someone, you really have to be a master in the art of being FAKE. And faceitous people, really to me, almost don't exist. Simply because I don't know who they are, and they dont have the guts to show who they really are. For whatever reason people do it, its all the same. And I will always hate it. The best way to ostrasize someone."

I wrote this in an entry sometime in July. And its the best way to describe the way I feel right now. That post, and the Bitty Mclean song that I posted yesterday equals me right now. Its ahh. Sad is the only word that I can think to describe it as. No need for fancy smancy words to analyze my emotions that I'm feeling. Its just sad. I can feel myself shutting down and becoming distant, as I always do whenever I reach this point with a relationship that I have with someone ( family not included). Sad, because the love I feel hasn't really changed, the love I want to feel with him, hasn't gone away. All the things that I want to do with him, I still want to do. Its hard for me to try to let go, because when J and I started together, something told me that he would be nothing short of special. And beautiful. Special and beautiful. He managed to change my mind about me being in a relationship. I feel like I'm living in two different worlds. As if I'm two different girls! One girl, head over heels in love, anxious and excited to be consumed by all that this "love" thing has to offer. The other girl, feels like she's in a toxic, non-progressive union, hurting that she has to let go of another relationship and her first love. I haven't spoken to him about it, yet, but I know how J is. I already know how the conversation is going to go. Sad. I'll be listening to this "Walk Away From Love" song until I can't handle it anymore.

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Its such an amazing feeling to find a song that can speak your emotions just as well as you can. It really leaves me without anything to say, because all that I have to say, is being put to melody and harmonies